My beloved Grandma has Vascular Dementia. It breaks my heart.
Dementia is a cruel disease and to be quite honest, I never considered it's severity or implications until my Grandma was diagnosed. Before then, it was one of those topics where I would feel empathy, nod along with sympathy but have no actual awareness of how awful the disease is. Naively, I thought it was just 'something sad that happened to some old people' but like many, I had no real idea of what living with this disease was like for the patient.
Dementia is not the same as Alzheimer's disease. I know this now. Alzheimer's, although a terrible disease in it's own right, can be helped with medication that can temporarily alleviate symptoms or slow down the disease's progression. Unfortunately, for my Grandma and many others who suffer with Vascular Dementia, there isn't really any medication to lessen it's severity or slow it down. There's no cure for it and no way to reverse the damage it causes to the brain.
To cut a long story short, patients of Vascular Dementia regress to a point where they need looking after like a baby. The victims of this disease become imprisoned in their own body. It is one of the cruellest illnesses I have ever encountered.
Needless to say, my Grandma's diagnosis has had an immense impact on our whole family. Watching her decline steadily is torturous and unbearable. You feel useless. I feel like I am grieving my Grandma as I knew her before, a strange sensation, grieving someone who is, thankfully, still with us.
Like many things, I didn't fully appreciate the time I spent with my Grandma and the memories we shared. I've always loved my Grandma dearly and enjoyed her company, I've just never considered that the little things I took for granted would one day just be memories... Foolish I know.
I wish I had savoured more the times we would stay up chatting until the small hours about her life in Malaysia. I have always found her early life fascinating. I wish I had appreciated more the times she told me about her career as a teacher in a Convent School, about the sad times her family had endured but also the happy times they had known. I wish I could go back to a time where I would try and, usually unsuccessfully, creep past her with left over dinner on my plate, which would nine times out of ten result in being sent back to the table to finish it. I wish she would once more chase me around at a family gathering with the last remaining 'curry puff' or ring me to read a poem she had written.
So really, it seemed more apt to entitle my first blog post with Dr. Seuss' famous quote rather than my own words. I haven't yet found a better way to sum up my thoughts. He was right. It's the little moments that carry the most weight, the things that seem almost insignificant that I miss the most.
I have decided to start 'Memories of a Ladygate Scribbler' for the following reasons:
Grandma always enjoyed writing, particularly poetry. Her talent for writing has been the inspiration for this blog and it's name: 'Memories of a Ladygate Scribbler' as she used to attend a writing club once weekly called 'The Ladygate Scribblers'. I have followed in her footsteps in that aspect and she was always keen to read my work.
She was always asked by many who read her poetry, to write her own life story. Although she wrote many poems about things that happened in her life, I don't think she ever got round to completing a book of her life story. I won't be writing Grandma's life story but I hope this blog will be a place where people can learn about what an amazing lady she was and is today.
To raise awareness of Vascular Dementia. Before this directly affected someone close to me, I too would have probably scrolled past a blog or post like this one.
If you found this post interesting, identified with it, or simply would just like to read more about it then I'm glad and I will be posting again soon.
Natalie x
